


Crush

by CasualWinchester



Series: Crush [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Anxiety, Bisexual Magnus, Child Abuse, Closeted Character, Drama, Drinking, F/F, F/M, Falling In Love, Family, Friendship, Homophobia, It will get happy eventually, M/M, Self-Doubt, Touch-Starved, Unhealthy Relationships, Whining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-18
Updated: 2016-11-18
Packaged: 2018-08-31 15:23:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8583637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CasualWinchester/pseuds/CasualWinchester
Summary: Alec, a self doubting ball of anxiety allows himself to be taken out for drinks by his sister and her suspicious boyfriend. Being the shy one of the family, Alec doesn't have high hopes of enjoying himself...but then he meets Magnus Bane.





	

**Crush.**

**Alec:**

"Pretty, pretty please Alec!" Jace moans out for the billionth time in the past twenty minutes. Within those twenty minutes I have seriously thought about throwing the stapler at his head.

He has been begging me over and over again to cover for him whilst he and Clary go on their date night. The same date night that they stupidly planned when they both knew Jace needed to be at work. And they now both expect me to cover for them, they both know that I will do it and that's why Jace is refusing to give up with his begging.

"Jace, you know Mom will kill me if she finds out." I snap at him. I know that I will get the blame for him not attending work. It's not my fault but I will be blamed because I am still supposed to try and control the lives of my younger siblings even though Isabelle is almost twenty and Jace is twenty-two.

Who am I even kidding. I never could control my wild siblings. They were more adventurous than I was and preferred to break the rules whilst I stuck to them as if they were a life line. I had to, it was the only way to keep my parents happy and to keep them from getting on at Isabelle and Jace for everything they do. That was the last thing I wanted, they were the most precious things to me and I knew I had to protect them.

I also had to protect myself from my father.

He was a very old fashioned and punctual man. He didn't agree with anything Isabelle and Jace did, he saw them as irresponsible and stupid so whenever anything important had to be done with the family business, I was the one sent to deal with it. This meant he was more hard on me than he was with the others. He tended to hide how harsh he was on me from the others because he knew they wouldn't agree with him. He especially hid it from Mom. She was a lot more lenient than Dad was and sometimes found amusement in Izzy and Jace's actions. She never showed it in front of Dad because she knew he would just get angry.

My whole relationship with my father got about 100% worse when he found out that I had a crush on a guy.

It was the first time he had ever hit me and it's safe to say it wasn't the last time. I had automatically shut myself off from every finding a man attractive ever again. But that didn't stop Dad from hurting me whenever I looked at a man just for a little bit longer than necessary even if it was just me being friendly or polite.

"They won't find out I swear. I will be back waay before they come to check on us." Jace pleads. "Please Alec? I will give you half of my pay?" Jace offers. I would never take his money from him because I know he needs it for school. Both he and Isabelle always offer me their money whenever I cover for them. I never take it though because they both need it more than me.

"I don't want your money Jace..." I let out a long sigh to indicate that he had finally worn me down. "Okay, I'll cover for you-"

"Alec you are the best big brother ever!" Jace wheels his chair over to me so he could pull me into a hug. The hug makes me freeze. Even though Dad isn't here, I still get nervous whenever I receive any physical contact from any male, even if that is Jace. He was the man I had a crush on when Dad first found out. The last thing I need is for Dad to see me hugging him. Jace pulls back once he feels me freeze up. "Sorry bro, I forgot you hated anything physical." Jace move away from me and part of me wants to call him back.

I managed to convince everyone who knew me that I didn't like physical contact so they all pretty much stayed away. The truth is that I am touch starved. I can't tell you how badly I want to join in whenever I am spending time with my siblings and I am sitting across the room from the big cuddle pile that consists of Jace, Isabelle, and our youngest brother Max. All I want to do is to crawl in beside them, to hear the little arguments they have amongst themselves, the ones I always miss out on because I am too far away from them.

"Thanks." I say around the small lump in my throat. "You have three hours to do what you have to do, after that I won't cover for you any longer." I say even though we both know that is a lie. I hope Jace won't take advantage of that though because the thought of him leaving and me lying to my parents about it, makes me slightly nervous.

"I wouldn't dare be late, Thank you Alec. You truly are the best brother ever...but don't let Max hear me say that." Jace says with a laugh then he stands up to retrieve his jacket from the other side of our office.

"I won't. Say Hi to Clary for me." I call as he starts to walk out of the room.

"I will. And hey, I promise I won't do anything you wouldn't do." He calls. And I am about to yell back at him when the voice of Isabelle floats in through the door in our office that leads onto her adjoining office.

"If that was the case Jace then you wouldn't be going in the first place!" Her comment is followed by a laugh from her office mate Simon Lewis, who she was secretly dating. Obviously it was behind my parents back because that had to be the way my siblings did everything, even though they knew it could get us in trouble. Well, get me into trouble.

  
"True, I might do some things you wouldn't do Alec but I promise I will be safe." Jace winks at me before leaving the room.

With a sigh, I wheel myself over to his desk to pick up the work he should be doing. I then move it back over to my own desk where I add it to the ever growing pile of paperwork I need to do. This honestly is the worst job and I can literally feel my life ticking away every single time I finish a piece of paperwork that mirrors the last fifty of them that I have done.

To make matters worse, Jace had been so preoccupied trying to convince me to cover for him that he had actually done the work wrong meaning that the sixty pages he had already done now have to be re done by me. I don't know how I get myself into these situations.

"So, is there any chance I can convince my stick in the mud, overly worked brother to join me later on for a drink?" Isabelle asks as she sticks her head through the door.

"Isabelle, I- I can't, Jace filed these all wrong so they have to be done again, plus I have to do the ones he hadn't done along with my own." I say, trying as hard as I could to convince her that I didn't want to go, even though I really did. "I don't have time to go for a drink." I finish.

"Oh yes you do." She decides before leaning over to pick up Jace's pile of work. "I think I can convince Simon to stay a little longer to finish these." She winks cheekily before disappearing back into her own office. From where I sat I could hear muffled arguments coming from Simon, then a long drawn out sigh ad Isabelle convinces him to do the work. Isabelle is too good at getting people to do what she wants. It's slightly scary.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________

Thankfully Jace arrive just in time for the rest of us to finish.

"Hey, where are you all going?" Jace asks as he watches us all stand and put on our coats. "I didn't know we had plans to go anywhere?"

"You have no plans but to stay here and do any work that needs to be done. The rest of us are going out for a few drinks with some friends." Isabelle answers. I turn to her with my eyebrows raised. I didn't remember her saying anything about meeting friends. What friends does she want me to meet. I didn't know she even had any other friends outside Simon and Clary. Then again, Isabelle is a lot more social than I am and she does attend fashion school. The people I'm about to meet are all probably stuck up rich kids who are dressed too ironically for their own good.

"Hey! I want to go for drinks." Jace whines but is silenced when Isabelle smacks him around the head in a warning to shut up. He gladly does as he is told. For once in his life.

"You go out enough, and you should've thought about that before blowing off work before." Isabelle looked thoughtful for a moment. "Maybe we should invite Clary, at least she doesn't have work until the weekend." Isabelle grins at Simon and me. I know she is just loving teasing the hell out of Jace, it is one of her favourite things to do because he so easily falls into her trap. Every single damn time.

"You wouldn't." Jace lowers his voice. As if he was daring her to even try. Which was a big mistake on his part.

"Oh, wouldn't I... come on you two." Isabelle grabs both of our hands and pulls us out of the room.

"You are the worst Isabelle!" Jace calls after her. Isabelle smirks and I know she doesn't mean he can't come with us. She loves drinking with Jace because she knows I won't drink with her and Simon hates alcohol.

"You can meet with us when you have done your work." She yells back to him before heading off in the direction of the elevators.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

"Alec could you try to look a little bit happy to be out of work or your hole in the wall apartment." Isabelle sighs as she hands over the money to the taxi driver. "You don't get out much so maybe being here and meeting new people will be good for you." She grins then half pulls Simon from the car. "You might even meet someone, if you're lucky." She winks.

I feel my insides go a little fuzzy at the idea of finding someone to be with. I know it would never work out, even if I did find someone. Eventually they would see how fucked up I am and they would leave. I'm nothing special and they could do so much better than me.

I was a high school graduate, top of the class. But to everyone else I was seen as the boy who missed out on his life because he was too snarky and shy. When the truth is that Dad refused to pay for me to go to college even though I was accepted. He didn't see why I should go to college when I should be the one taking over the family business.

Isabelle and Jace just believed that I had given up on school and trying to be sociable. They think I was stupid for doing it and they make digs about it some times.

No one knew about the secret stash of money I had hidden away. It was no where enough money to get into college but maybe if I save enough, I will be able to go by myself and still try to run the family business at the same time. I knew it was a stupid dream but it was something to keep me sane, a wish that I knew would never come true but I couldn't help holding onto. I just hope it's not taken from me before finding out if I could make it a reality or not.

"Leave the guy alone Izzy, at least you got him to come with us." Simon pats my back in comfort. As much as I want to dislike Simon for dating my baby sister. There's just something about him that is hard to dislike. He was always the one to stop the teasing before it got too far. He just seemed to know when I had reached my limit and was always the first one to shut it all down.

"I guess that's a start." Isabelle suddenly clapped her hands together. "Oh, Alec. I just can't wait for you to meet my friends. They are all so excited to meet the mysterious older brother of mine, as they have met everyone else." Isabelle links her arm with mine before reaching over to unbutton one of my shirt buttons, showing off a little more of my chest than I am comfortable with. I pull away from her when I remember that I'm supposed to be afraid of contact. She grimaces slightly as she also remembers.

"Isabelle-" I complain but she slaps my hand before I could even think about trying to stop her.

"Nope, Alec you are with me tonight, not our parents. Let loose a little." Isabelle walks confidently over to the bouncers who immediately ask for her name.

"Isabelle Lightwood, I'm a personal friend of Magnus." She says then points to Simon and me. "I am allowed guests, this is Alec Lightwood and Simon Lewis." The bouncer nods curtly before pulling the rope aside for us to go in.

"Look at you, getting VIP pass into clubs." Simon kisses her cheek.

"It pays to know people my dearest." Isabelle flicks her hair over her shoulder once before she is smiling widely at a bunch of people sitting in the corner of the room. "Oh, there they are!" She begins to drag me over to the table by my shirt, careful not to touch any of my skin. Simon trails dutifully behind us.

"Isabelle darling!" A very beautiful woman with striking blue eyes that matched the light blue in her hair, comes up and hugs Isabelle, who by the way still hasn't let me go. For the first time, I actually feel a little uncomfortable being touched, but only because I was getting dragged into a hug by a stranger.

"Catarina! You're hair looks amazing, blue suits you honey." Isabelle plays with a strand of the blue curls before turning to look at me. "Alec, this is Catarina. Catarina this is my brother Alec." Isabelle introduces us and Catarina holds out a hand to shake mine. I gulp slightly, feeling incredibly rude. "Oh, no sorry Cat. Alec has this whole fear of any physical contact." Isabelle explains when she notices how uncomfortable I look.

"Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to bother you- uh okay, Hi Alec! it's lovely to finally meet you...um why don't you come meet the others." Catarina looks incredibly flustered at her mistake.

"It's n-nice to meet you." I say quietly and I'm not sure she was actually able to hear it over the music coming from the speakers.

"Okay... Alec meet Ragnor Fell, he is one of the older students at college but don't let him hear you say that." Isabelle winks at a man who looks about thirty or forty, who just fixes her with a glare. "This is Raphael and Lily, they are in Simon's classes. along with Camille over there." The way Isabelle says Camille's name tells me that Isabelle doesn't like her very much. "And the person beside her is her boyfriend, Magnus Bane." Isabelle motions to the last man sitting around the table.

I take one look at the man and all the moisture in my mouth is gone. He is probably the most perfect human I had ever seen. All smooth skin, eyeliner, and makeup. I never thought I would be attracted to someone like this but apparently not.

"Alec? is that short for Alexander?" Magnus asks after glancing me up and down. It makes me blush when I see him nod in what seemed like approval.

"I-uh...yeah b-but people just uh, call m-me um Alec..."I stammer. I am glad for the dark lighting in the room because that way no one can see the red blush creep up my body. I can't do anything without making a fool of myself. I have no idea why Isabelle has such faith in me ever finding someone.

"It's nice to meet you Alexander." Magnus completely ignores what I said, choosing instead to call me by my full name. I feel like I should want to flinch at the word, as it is the only thing my father calls me when he is mad, and when he is mad it usually ends up with him hurting me. But I find that I like the way it sounds coming from Magnus's mouth.

"Sit down Alec." Camille almost purrs. She is looking slightly annoyed at Magnus. I feel like I have done something already, without noticing it. The last thing I want to do is impose on their relationship. I move to sit next to the man named Raphael but I am stopped when a slim and elegant hand reaches over the table and purposely grabs onto my wrist. Her cold and slightly clammy hands make me flinch back slightly but she doesn't let go. "Come sit with us, I wish to get to know you more. You seem fascinating." Camille tugs me closer to her and Magnus.

"Camille, did you not hear what Isabelle said. Let the poor boy go." Magnus snaps at his girlfriend before moving over so I could rest next to him.

"I was just trying to make him feel welcome Maggy." Camille purrs again but this time it's closer to my ear. It makes Magnus squirm away from her slightly. And a selfish part of me wonders if Magnus really liked this girl at all. The way he seems to act all point to them not liking each other.

"Just leave him alone, he's new and obviously uncomfortable so just give him some space." Magnus turns to me with a worried look on his face.

"Alexander, do you want a drink. It's on the house because well, this is my club." Magnus stands and offers me a hand e before thinking better of it. Oh how I wish I could just take his hand but I know that if I did and Dad somehow found out then I am pretty sure I would be killed.

"I uhh, sure." I say. I am still somewhat nervous about talking to him but I blame it on the fact that he is the most beautiful person I had ever seen and I was nothing compared to him. "A drink sounds nice." I decide that something strong and alcoholic might make this night easier for me and for everyone else that was here. It also does make me worry that I might become an easier target for Camille if I am intoxicated.

"Shall we?" Magnus gestures with his hand toward the VIP bar. I smile shy at him as I follow him over to the bar. Deciding that I was just going to go for it, I ordered a neat whiskey then two shots of something snake themed. "Well Alexander, you sure know how to drink. I like it." Magnus smiles a smile that could rival the Cheshire cat.

"It comes with years of watching Jace and Isabelle try to drink themselves under the table." I reply before ordering another drink. "Jace is my brother-" I start to explain but Magnus just hold up a hand.

"Yes, yes I have met Jace several times. very modest boy." Magnus comments and it is enough to make me laugh because Jace was the least modest person I have ever met. He knows he is attractive and he likes to brag about it. He used to flaunt it by bringing home a different girl every other week. That was until he met his match in one Clary Fairchild. She toned him down a peg or two.

"Jace being modest is the day that hell freezes over." I smirk. Talking with Magnus seemed to be easier than I thought it would be. When I pictured Isabelle's friends, he was not what I was expecting to find. I'm glad, I think I could get on with Magnus if I seen him more often.

I suddenly froze. I found it easy to talk to Magnus and I was already thinking about the next time I would see him. This is something that I cannot allow myself to do in fear of my father finding out. He would kill me for liking another boy. I need to pull back from this before it get's messy.

Plus nothing could ever come from this when Magnus is straight and he has a girlfriend.

Magnus senses the change in my mood because concern crosses his face. He goes to reach for me but then remembers what Isabelle told him. "Alexander? are you quite alright?" He asks. "You drank pretty quickly there, do you wish for a glass of water?" How can he sound so caring when he had only just met me. There is no reason for him to be this nice.

"No-I um, I'm fine I just think we should go back to the others." I say before standing up on slightly shaky legs. I can see that Magnus doesn't believe me but he stays silent and follows me back to the table. I allow him to gracefully slide into the booth before me, so he could sit next to a slightly annoyed looking Camille.

She smiles slyly when I sit down beside Magnus. She takes one glance around the table before leaning over to place her hand on mine, squeezing it. "Why Alec, you look a little pale...maybe you shouldn't be here. I think you should go before you pass anything onto the rest of us." Isabelle is glaring at Camille as if she wished she could kill her with a stare.

"Camille, stop it!" Magnus orders then physically removes her hand from mine. I got a brief touch from Magnus's fingers and it send a shiver through me. "Sorry," He motions to my hand. "I didn't mean to touch you." Magnus actually looks sorry for that brief moment of contact we had with each other. I believed that he did care.

"It's okay, it was an accident." I reply to him before leaning over to speak to Camille. "Don't worry I'm fine. And if you don't want to catch anything from me then I think a good place to start would be to quit touching me." I give her a false smile before leaning back to take a drink. From the corner of my eye I can see Simon and Isabelle grinning proudly at me. I must admit it's not something I would usually do.

"Yeah, I think we would rather you left than Alec," Catarina mumbles around the rim of her glass.

"Magnus!" Camille whines before draping herself over Magnus's body. "Did you hear what she said to me? Tell her to stop being mean to me babe." Oh my god, I have never heard someone of her age sound like such a petulant child. I can't help the eye roll I give her. Isabelle snickers when she sees me do it. I smile because I link making her laugh.

"Catarina, please behave you are acting like a child." Magnus mumbles half-heartedly to Catarina. Who in turn stares at him in disbelief.

"Thank you babe." Camille purrs into Magnus's ear before pushing herself back to her side of the booth. Her face is split in a satisfied smirk.

"So Alec, you work with Isabelle?" Ragnor asks and by the tone in his voice he sounds bored and probably wants to change the subject. I wonder if this happens a lot. Judging by everyone's reaction, I am guessing that it is.

"Yeah, sometimes I even do her work for her." I say, ignoring Isabelle's glare. "But that's never as often as when I am doing work for Jace." Simon scoffs at that.

"I am surprised he even does any work. Always running off to be with Clary, it's enough to think she is a bad influence on him." Simon swallows the rest of his drink then gets up to go get another one.

"It's more like he's a bad influence on her." Isabelle calls after him. I note that Raphael stares after Simon as he walks away. Then a second later he is on his feet and following behind him. I feel like something is going on there and I know I'm going to have to look into it before Isabelle gets hurt.

"I understand your issues my friend. Recently I have been picking up the slack Magnus is creating. It's only because of me that he is still even in college." Ragnor looks slightly disgusted at the couple sitting next to me. "Relationships do seem rather pointless if they create problems such as this."

"That's why I stay away from them. Always have and I always will." I announce and half of the people remaining at the table look at me. The only person who doesn't look is Camille.

"You have never been in a relationship." Asks Catarina, as if the idea is insane. "Someone as good looking as you." I blush at her comment. No one has ever said that I look good and it's nice to hear it. Sure My mother and siblings have said so but they're kinda obliged to say so, they are my family.

"Too much trouble." I reply back. Isabelle is staring at me with wide eyes. This is more than I have ever opened up to her or Jace, she has never known this about me.

"Surely you have liked the look of someone." Ragnor asks. "It's impossible that you have never liked someone." Everyone sits forwards slightly to hear what I had to say, but thank the heavens someone comes to my rescue before I had to lie.

"Alec doesn't like anyone apart from his family, even then sometimes he gets sick of us." Jace announces his arrival by yelling over the crowd before slumping down next to me. "Isn't that right bro?" Jace asks whilst slinging an arm around my shoulders and winking at me.

I would be lying if I didn't say that Jace still got to me sometimes when he sits with me like this. I don't think I will ever get over him properly when I'm not allowing myself to get closer to anyone else. I think Dad knows that too and it's his way of taunting me into behaving myself around him.

"I- yeah... right." I say before ducking my head to look at my drink. The arrival of Jace reminds me that I have to be careful around these people, I don't want to give any more away about myself, especially not in front of Jace and Isabelle.

"Let the poor boy answer for himself Jace." Ragnor doesn't look very impressed by Jace and his rudeness but I don't think Ragnor is impressed by anything really.

"I'm surprised you even got him to speak in the first place. He's not the one for talking." Jace fires back.

"Maybe you should learn from him," Magnus counters. "I think we'd all welcome the change." Jace looked affronted to be spoken to like that but he didn't say anything else. "See how much better that is already?" Magnus jokes and it makes everyone bar Camille laugh.

After that, everyone goes back to their own conversations. Jace joins in with Isabelle and Ragnor. Camille and Magnus were talking in the corner and from what I could hear, Camille wasn't happy. I was currently nursing my drink and wondering where Simon and Raphael had gone and why it was taking them so long.

Suddenly I am being pushed back into my chair by a very annoyed looking Camille. She was pushing me out of the way so she could leave. Her back and coat in hand. She looked very angry.

"Is she okay?" I ask Magnus who sighs and settles in closer to me.

"She's Camille. You wouldn't know he yet but she can be a handful sometimes." Magnus sounded very tired. "Drink with me?" He asks then out of nowhere a waiter came out of nowhere. "I'll take my usual please, Andrew... what would you like Alexander?" Magnus asks and I ponder slightly before deciding.

"I'll just get what you're getting." I say with a small smile that is returned by Magnus.

"Perfect, thank you Andrew." Magnus dismissed the waiter without even looking at him. "So, Alexander. I'm still trying to wrap my head around the whole never dated thing." Magnus shakes his head as if trying to clear something from it. "I don't believe no one has been interested in someone like you."

"Uh- well someone might have interested but I never uh, noticed." I say as I fiddle with my empty glass.

"Really? No special girl to tickle your fancy?" Magnus asks I feel my face flush slightly and I look away, my body tenses slightly at the question. Magnus catches on and to my horror he guesses the truth. "Oh, I see... any man then?" He asks then seems to realize the look on my face. "Are you okay-"

"You can't say anything...please!" I whisper, fully aware that Isabelle and Jace are not that far away and I couldn't risk them hearing. "No one can know...they just can't"

"Why? does anyone even know?" He asks as he glances to Isabelle and Jace.

"No one, but my father." I hide my eyes so Magnus couldn't see the pain in my eyes and guess exactly how my father knows.

"Not even Isabelle and Jace? They would be okay with it...they are okay with me." He comments then reaches over to rest his hand over mine in a comforting way.

"You're straight....not the same thing." I mumble, pulling my hand away from his. He mumbles a quiet apology about the touch.

"that's not completely true Alexander, I may have a girlfriend but I am bisexual, I have had a boyfriend before."

Magnus tells me and suddenly it's a thousand times harder to talk to him. I am glad for the arrival of our drinks as it gave me a reason not to talk.

I can't allow myself to get close to him. If Dad found out about this then I would be dead for sure. It would've been better if he was straight, now I know he is bisexual. I couldn't allow myself to talk to him.

"I think I need to go...yeah, w-work in the morning, thank you for the drinks." I mumble before pushing myself up from my seat. Causing everyone to look up at me.

"Alec where-" Isabelle asks but I am already pushing my way through the crowds my only thought is that I need to get out of there. 


End file.
